Memo to Soapnet

To the Execs at Soapnet:

Next year, when planning your Red Carpet show, please take the following two things into mind.

1. It’s time to stop with the non-soap affiliated people co-hosting the show. Stick with the people who really know who they’re talking to and what they’re talking about, like Finola Hughes, Rebecca Budig and Ricky Paull Goldin. I give those three, 5 out of 5 stars. Lawrence whateverhisname is 0 out of 5.

2. The technical difficulties… get it together next time.

Thank you and see you in NYC next year.

 

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Imaginary Bitches – This Just In…

Apparently, contract negotiations for Heather and Catherine of “Imaginary Bitches” has hit a snag. As of an e-mail from ImaginaryBitches.com, the IB’s have walked off the set and are refusing to work. Word is a press conference is scheduled for tonight at 11:00pm ET in place of Episode 8.

Um, if the IB’s are imaginary, how are we supposed to see them during the press conference?

Stay tuned to find out when the show will be back on air or if by some miracle, it airs tonight at 11pm ET.

Yet Another WTF? Moment on All My Children, 6/18/08

On today’s episode of AMC, Tad took Kathy home to live with him and his dysfunctionally fun family (Krystal, newly-minted Gen-X’er Colby and baby Jenny) after he was finally released from the hospital with a really bad case of lead poisoning. At the Martin homestead, he set the little girl up in her own room, with her toys and a stuffed animal given to her by her “Mother” (and she wasn’t talking about Julia), even letting her pick out the color they would paint this little girl haven.

So… Tad just swooped in and took Kathy home after telling her he was her daddy and she just accepted it? And, better yet, everyone in town just accepted it?!?! No court filings claiming parental rights? No DNA tests proving Tad and Kathy share the same double helix? He didn’t have to go before a judge, file papers with the court, make a statement under oath, that Kathy was actually Kate?

And Maria Santos, legal guardian to Kathy Mershon, just let him?

Um… WTF?

Are you kidding me? It’s that easy for Tad to take his and Dixie’s child home? Despite the legal guardianship of little Kathy by Maria? Bestowed on her, again legally, by Julia Santos? Who was also the legal guardian of Kathy? In the eyes of the law?!?!

Haven’t we seen real life situations such as this? People have to hire $500 an hour lawyers, who are trained in family law so I’m guessing former DA and current criminal defense attorney Jackson Montgomery might be out of his element here, to file a claim of parental rights with the court. Then they must appear in court and plead their case. Then the judge will render a decision. And if that decision is favorable to the “Petitioner”, the judge decides how to proceed, generally by ordering medical tests done on the “Petitioner” and the minor child in order to prove the “Petitioner’s” claims. Then… well, despite what All My Children, the CSI franchise and the Law & Order shows would have you believe, DNA results don’t come back mere seconds after they’ve been input into the fancy-shmancy DNA printer thingy…

This would require months of legal filings, motions and counter-motions (if Maria wished to keep custody of Kathy), then several weeks of just sitting around waiting until the results of the DNA tests came back, while Kathy could be in California with her legal guardian, or as a ward of the state.

And even then, if the judge so deemed it, since it was in writing that Julia was Kathy’s legal guardian, as evidenced by the LEGALLY BINDING WILL of Kathy’s adoptive mother, and Julia indicated that she made Maria the legal guardian of Kathy, should anything happen to her (like the writer’s killing her off) custody of the minor child could have stayed with Maria Santos-Grey! (of course, as Kathy would have been biologically proven to be Tad’s daughter, I would imagine Tad would have filed for custody, which could have resulted in more legal maneuvering for everyone involved)

But, apparently, Pine Valley does not adhere to the laws of the rest of the county. You say that kid is yours? Hey, no sweat, take her home! No pesky legal fees, filings or decisions for you to worry about here!

The scenes between Michael E. Knight and Alexa Garasimovich have been wonderful, there is no doubting that. And who doesn’t love that Tad found his and Dixie’s lost child? (too bad Dixie can’t be awakened from a coma with the news that “Kathy is your Kate”, though) But, come on… is it so hard to do even a little research?

Really… WTF?*

*thanks to Tracy for initially bringing this WTF? moment to my attention.

From the mind of a soap writer

Xavier Toups of Soap Opera Network recently did an interview with soap writer, Sara A. Bibel. Read on and learn the behind the scenes stuff on what it’s like to write for a soap.

An Interview with Sara A. Bibel

Richie’s the culprit and who does Zach tell first?

It’s understandable that Zach and Greenlee share a bond after being holed up in the bomb shelter for a month… but why is it, when he finally finds out who was responsible for leaving them for dead the person he tells first is Greenlee.

Why?

Shouldn’t Zach be telling his, um… WIFE first?  It seems kind of wrong that he goes to Greenlee first, even if they were stranded together.  Kendall was the one who agonized for a month, wondering if he’d ever come back, if he was even alive. Kendall was the one who practically gave up hope at one point.

Kendall is his wife. It doesn’t matter that she wasn’t stuck in the hole with him… the fact remains, she’s his wife. Kendall should have been told first, not Greenlee.

Funny part of this all, is that Greenlee had asked Zach if he called Kendall yet. It wasn’t until Richie was finally being arrested that he got around to calling her.

Zach… it took ya long enough.

WTF? Moments on AMC for the Week Beginning 6/9/08

Recently on All My Children, the writers have been featuring the older, established characters. The venerable veterans who made the show so incredibly popular back in the 90’s, and even waaaay back into the 80’s. Adam, Erica, Jack, Tad, Dixie (albeit dead), Angie, Jesse, Opal, Julia (albeit killed)…

These are the characters we have a bond with, a connection. Long-time viewers grew up with Tad, Dixie, Angie and Jesse. We watched Palmer and Opal fall in love, Adam steamroll his way through the business world, Erica and Jack spend 17 years in an on-again, off-again relationship (mostly off, but when it was on… it was ON).

So, um… WTF?

Why are you teasing us like this?

Don’t you know there are young, nubile characters going to waste on AMC? Didn’t you SORAS Colby (from 5 to early 20’s) just so you could give us more youth angst? (and dumped an ever-evolving Ambyr Childers in order to cast a poor man’s Ambyr Childers lookalike in the role) You’ve brought back Frankie Hubbard (twice now in recent years), cast a young woman to play a street-smart hooker to get involved with the military vet to mine some angst out of that pairing. There’s the Ryan/Annie debacle that’s looming on the horizon, Kenlee/Zachlee/Aidlee/Zendall drama to explore…

So WTF are you doing? Why are you giving us these wonderful stories with veteran stars, all of whom are doing spectacular work? David Canary and Cady McClain during Adam’s haunting… Susan Lucci playing Erica in the Big House (which has been a ton of fun when you let Erica and her fellow inmates interact)… Michael Knight and Cady McClain, living out the life every Tad and Dixie fan wanted to witness (albeit over years, not a single episode), Darnell Williams and Debbie Morgan bringing Jesse and Angie back to Pine Valley after way too long away. Ray McDonnell as Dr. Joe Martin, the Chief of Staff at Pine Valley Hospital as son Tad fights for his life in one room while Joe must deliver devastating news to a friend in another. And Sydney Penny as a dying Julia Santos, knowing there was no way she would survive, wanting to make sure Kathy was taken care of, giving Krystal instructions on what to do, even as her very life slipped away.

That was All My Children as I remember it from my youth and over the decades. Intriguing, emotional, well-script, brilliantly acted… We cared about these characters. We anxiously awaited each new episode to see how they would react, how they would cope, what they would say…

What are you doing getting my hopes up again? That I might think this could become a daily experience once more? That you’d have us believing it will always be this way and we’ll never get mired back in the same old tired storylines that have been hashed and re-hashed over the last year or so…

Seriously… WTF?

Annie Lavery – Who knew…

When did Annie Lavery turn into a loony wife? I understand she loves Ryan, but this change in her personality is quite disturbing. She invites herself into Greenlee’s apartment and demands that the woman stay away from Ryan. The look on her face… eerie.

Perhaps Richie was right all along… that Annie has some mental problems, too.