Pratt Falls: Episode 10 – Chuck & Julie talk relationships

Not quite sure where the post went… since I am sure it was blogged on Sunday night. But here goes again.

Ellen & Portia are at it again, this time they have infiltrated the lair and overheard Chuck and Julie talk about the relationships on AMC they think will “sizzle” this summer. Yeah… “sizzle”

Also, Julie busts a move talking about how she wants to make the fans wait…

Pratt Falls- Episode 9: Tori answers viewer’s questions

Ah, so the infamous Tori, Chuck Pratt’s Executive Assistant does exist! And here I thought she was just Pratt’s imaginary bitch. 😉

Episode 9
: Pratt’s Executive Assistant, Tori, answers viewer mail.

Ba-da-bing. Ba-da-boom!

An All My Children LOL Moment of the Week

This is probably the best moment from All My Children this week. Check out this clip, 2:16 in as Erica speaks about the insanity regarding her family.

Seems like Erica is voicing the complaints many fans have had about Pratt’s writing for the last several weeks. Bravo Susan Lucci for such a well-played scene, as Cameron Mathison tries to hold back his laughter throughout.

An All My Children Evaluation

Let’s play report card right now for All My Children. It’s time to evaluate the current storylines and/or characters on screen. But first, the Head Writer, Charles Pratt Jr. deserves an evaluation.

Apprehension is the first word that came to mind when news broke that Charles Pratt Jr. would be taking the helm as Head Writer for All My Children. It’s no secret that the show has been in a writing turmoil since the the babyswitch storyline reached its climax and wrapped up. Ever since then viewers of AMC have been subjected to one outlandish story after another (hello, Josh the unabortion…) and in turn one new head writer after another. Last year, it was reported that Charles Pratt Jr, would be taking his pen to AMC. Again, it’s no secret that apprehension broke out among the faithful viewers, leaving many to wonder if AMC would turn into some hybrid form of the shows he’d already written for. Shows such as Melrose Place, Desperate Housewives and General Hospital, whom he co-wrote with Robert Guza Jr. Some chose to give him a chance and see what he could do, while others chose to tread carefully, not wanting to put all their faith in him.

At first, his writing showed promise, given the tornado that hit Pine Valley in October, but it seems as though everything else slowly whirlpooled down the drain as the months progressed. One of the most glaring miscues, aside from the hyped-up first lesbian wedding on daytime (which only lasted a day, barely…) was the dismantling of Aidan and Greenlee in order to make way for the second-time around pairing of Ryan and Greenlee (Rylee). Apparently, Mr. Pratt did not get the memo that Rylee was not a huge hit the first time around, because this second go-round didn’t work and ultimately had Rebecca Budig opting out of the contract and leaving the show after just a one year return.

Currently, the storylines playing out on AMC have this tendency of good days and bad days, but there hasn’t been a steady progression in story itself. It has been said Mr. Pratt likes to leave the audience guessing or the characters guessing what they’ll be doing next, but that method doesn’t seem to work. These characters are meant to be predictable in a way and not give the viewers whiplash with their actions. For example, on General Hospital, when Carly gets upset about something, viewers will almost assume she will run to Jason for consoling, because that is what her character does. It’s predictable. On AMC lately, it’s as though some characters’ actions leave the viewers going “Huh?”. One character whose actions have left viewers doing that is Kendall Hart-Slater.

Lately, it seems as though Kendall cannot make up her mind on what she wants. One day she wants to work things out with Zach, but the next day or within the same episode, she’s with Ryan. It’s confusing trying to figure out who she wants to be with. And if that wasn’t bad, her sleeping with Ryan and saying that it’s because they’re mourning the loss of dear friend, Greenlee really takes the cake. Kendall would never do that, regardless of how hurt she was at the time over Zach’s actions. A month hadn’t passed and those two were already bedding each other, out of anger towards others. Spoilers for the next two weeks report that Zach and Kendall will finally separate, but the actions after the fact don’t make for good story down the road. One can only wonder what Alicia Minshew, Thorsten Kaye and Cameron Mathison are thinking as they receive their scripts.

Taylor and Brot, although may have seemed like a good idea on paper, isn’t all that tantilizing on screen. Taylor (and Beth Ehlers) seems to have more chemistry with Tad (and Michael E. Knight). It’s understandable in a way that the writers were trying to show some sort of love story/coming back together between Taylor and Brot, but these days, there’s no sizzle, nothing to draw in viewers. Perhaps these two are better as friends. Also, Brot (and JR Martinez) had better screen presence with Colby (and Brianne Moncrief). It could be the fact that the two actors are closer to age in real life, as opposed to the age difference between Ehlers and Martinez.

Frankie and Randi — snooze…

Adam and Erica — intriguing. It’s good to see Erica having her hands in two stories right now. She has been consistent in her involvement regarding Kendall and Zach. But it’s also interesting seeing her in cahoots with Adam Chandler.

Jake and Amanda — Disliked it at first, but surprisingly have grown to like at the present moment. It is unsure where or when it happened or even how, but these two work right now and it’s better than seeing Jake Martin troll around town and having a casual drink every where he goes.

Pete and Colby — still a work in progress and there isn’t any clear direction on these two. It’s clear Pete will not give up on Colby, but will Colby ever give in to Pete?

David and Krystal — Can we end the Babe mentions now? No one cares about Babe, no one care when she died and no one will ever care. There is no need to invoke her name everyday. She wasn’t a saint and never brought anything good to Pine Valley. David, when acting human like last week before operating on Ian is good. But when he reverts back to his “twisting the imaginary moustache” and constantly proclaiming revenge on the Chandlers, it gets really old, fast. Krystal… well, at least she isn’t crying 24/7, but her blind love for David isn’t very enthralling to watch. And that is all that can be said on that for now.

Much credit goes to the actors who day in and day out put their efforts into acting out the writing that is handed to them.

Now, this isn’t to say everyday feels like a whirlpool where everything is simply spinning around and there isn’t much improvement.. but these days, AMC seems to be on a step forward, step back pattern. Good day with writing, giving viewers an entertaining episode, only for the next day to have subpar writing and leaving viewers wondering what happened and where the continuity went.

Overall grade for AMC as of today — C+/B- (yes, that’s being generous.)

This is just an evaluation of the show for now… Check back for another report card in the coming months, where hopefully there has been some progression and less whiplash.

The Wedding of the Century…

(disclaimer – the contents of this particular blog are the opinions of the writer only. The views expressed in this blog are in NO WAY a reflection of the opinions of anyone else who writes articles on Soap Suds and Duds)

So, Bianca and Reese marry. They barely know each other, have a child together, Reese is in lust with Bianca’s brother-in-law, they’ve betrayed Bianca’s much-loved sister, and still, they marry…

They have the maturity level of two horny teenagers riding a hormonal wave of lust rather than two adult women making a loving and happy home for their children. You know, their newborn child and older daughter Miranda. Especially Miranda. Remember her? Bianca doesn’t. She’s become remarkably, incredibly selfish. They’re both self-centered, whiny brats, concerned about no one but themselves and their groundbreaking wedding. Not to mention that Bianca’s first born tends to be forgotten. A lot. Like, never mentioned when talking about their other child. As if she never existed…

Miranda’s been hanging out in the Martin attic, apparently…

And still they marry…

Is it just me or does anyone else find it incredibly ironic that the wedding takes place on Friday the 13th?

Anyway, following the wedding, things quickly fall apart for the happy couple. Or should I say things quickly fall apart for the moderately-okay-with-themselves-where-they-currently-are-in-their-lives couple. Ryan lets out a secret that sends Bianca into hiding at her mother’s with the kids in tow, then she just plain splits town on February 24th after apparently serving Reese with annulment papers, or after Reese gets annulment papers, or possibly before. Just know that Bianca heads back to Paris and Reese gets annulment papers but possibly not exactly in that order. Okay?

So, the first same-sex marriage in the history of daytime television quickly becomes the shortest same-sex marriage in the history of daytime television…

Well done, All My Children and Mr. Charles Pratt. Well done, indeed.

With Bianca’s departure comes the exit of Eden Riegel, the Daytime Emmy-award winning actor. Rumor has it she returns a couple months down the road to bring the storyline to a conclusion, with all parties saying that things work out well for Bianca and Reese.

Oh, rly?

If Bianca returns to Pine Valley and takes Reese back after Reese threatens to ruin the lives of both Kendall and Ryan, continues to sniff after Zach, conspires with Adam Chandler and basically makes herself a menace, then Bianca is the stupidest waste of oxygen on this big blue marble that’s hurtling through space.

But then again, this is the woman who forgave Babe for stealing her child for the better part of a year…

Wedding of the century, indeed…

Good thing it’s very early in the century, huh?

P.S. Thanks to my pals Phyl and Donna for their help and contributions to this therapeutic little piece…

Heard ya the first time, Zach..

So, is it just me, or does Zach seem to be on rinse & repeat lately. Well, the Zach and Reese scenes.  I understand that Reese doesn’t have any other friends in Pine Valley except for Bianca and Zach, which I don’t have too much of a problem with. My gripe here is that every single time Zach and Reese are in scenes together, it’s about the SAME.EXACT.THING.

Zach professes his love for Kendall.

Reese comforts Zach, tells him not to lose hope.

Zach repeats that he is not giving up, his wife is a fighter.

Reese replies that she understands.

Zach walks out of room.

Reese is standing there with a “WTF?!” look on her face.

<Rinse & Repeat> Scene to be done again in a week, just in a different location with variation of dialogue.

Memo to Zach Slater: I love you man, but this brooding is getting old. If you could maybe explain why you must brood and profess your love over and over, that would be a bit of an improvement. Do you feel any sort of guilt for going behind your wife’s back and donating your little swimmers to Bianca? Is that why you need to brood and say you love her over and over?

Speaking of Zach and guilt, I have yet to see him voice any sort of guilt for his part in the creation of Simba Montgomery. Perhaps this need to state his love out loud is his brand of guilt? He’s all about not wanting lies and secrets and yet, he’s has been doing that.

Nah, that’s just a bit too logical.

Kendall… please wake up. *begs* (I miss you Alicia Minshew.)

A WTF? moment for All My Children, 11/24/08

So we now discover that Bianca and Reese, who are an amazingly cool and in love couple, don’t even know each other… At all… Yesterday, JR and Bianca had a little run-in and Bianca had to explain to a rather startled Reese about the history they shared concerning a little tumble off a two-story balcony.

Um… WTF?

Reese apparently didn’t know that JR gave Binksy a trip off a balcony in Florida and that Bess was Miranda for, lo those 9+ months? Did she live in a vacuum or not have access to the Internet or tabloids before she got beaned in the melon by a ball in a Paris park? (Seriously, she didn’t head back to her place after the beaning and Google ‘Bianca Montgomery’? Really?) I thought Erica Kane’s lesbian daughter was tabloid fodder all around the world. I mean, that’s what we were led to believe for years after Bianca’s coming out.

But, really, wouldn’t this have been a better exchange?

Reese: What was that all about?

Bianca: Oh, JR had my daughter, who I thought was his daughter, because his wife Babe, who is – or rather was– love, stole her from me for 9 months, this is Miranda I’m talking about here, but actually, she didn’t steal her, we were just lost to each other- anyway JR and I argued, after I Kane-slapped the snot out of Babe, and then JR got mad and we stepped out onto the balcony to chat and he pushed me off, or I jumped, I’m kinda unlcear on the whole thing, and I fell ever so daintily 2 floors and ended up in a coma for a while. They didn’t think I was going to make it, you know. Anyway, Mom finally convinced Adam that Bess was Miranda and brought her to me and, ta da! I woke up. I kinda remember someone whispering in my ear that they loved me, but that’s blurry, too. Did I not tell you any of this after we started dating?

Apparently not, Binks…

So… Reese apparently didn’t and/or still doesn’t know that Bianca offed the man who raped her and impregnated her, creating Miranda. Reese apparently didn’t know about Kendall willing to take the fall for Michael’s murder to hide Bianca’s pregnancy from the world (which, I believe, was because Bianca didn’t want to hurt her mother and become tabloid fodder). Does Cool Reese know that Babe, who is- or rather was– love, stole Miranda and paraded her around town for 9 months as her own daughter and let Bianca be her own child’s godmother, and then Bianca willingly FORGAVE Babe for this, saying that she and Miranda were merely “lost” to one another for the better part of a year?

We’re supposed to believe that this couple, who are living together, raising a daughter together and so in love they decided to have another child, don’t know anything about what has happened in their past? What has formed their will, determination, psyche, psychoses and outlook on life? Reese even said yesterday that she was rather surprised when Bianca got so upset at a man in Paris for shoving the woman he was with… so, Bianca never even told Reese about the woman she had been living with in Paris, who was also the “love of Bianca’s life” and who had been in an abusive relationship that Bianca had been desperate to get her out?

Bianca finally seems concerned of how her sister might react when she learns of Bianca and Zach’s betrayal in order to pop out a kid with a woman she apparently only met about 10 months ago and Reese, in her obliviousness, doesn’t make things any better.

Bianca: You don’t know my sister.

Reese: No, but I know you.

Oh, really? What’s her favorite movie, Reese? Where did she live when she moved out of her mother’s house? Did you know she had a juvenile record for driving while drunk? Did you know she was going to college when she was pregnant with Miranda? Did you know she likes cotton candy and spending the day at the park in the summer? Who was her best friend before Maggie Stone? Do you know how that best friend died? Did you know that Bianca has a history of pyromania? That she has an eating disorder? Was “committed” to another woman at one time? Almost moved to Poland to be with that woman? Stole a baby one Christmas because she was convinced the child was hers? (she was right, by the way, but that’s not the point)

Shall I go on, Reese?

Wow… So, I’ve written a little letter to Charles Pratt, Head hack- er, writer at All My Children. It’s short but rather succinct and to the point. Tell me what you think:

Dear Mr. Pratt,

Can you please explain to me how the super cool couple you created in Reese and Bianca have been living together, had a child together and want to marry know so alarmingly little about each other?

Seriously I would like to know,
Mary Beth

I mean, really… WTF?

Richie’s the culprit and who does Zach tell first?

It’s understandable that Zach and Greenlee share a bond after being holed up in the bomb shelter for a month… but why is it, when he finally finds out who was responsible for leaving them for dead the person he tells first is Greenlee.

Why?

Shouldn’t Zach be telling his, um… WIFE first?  It seems kind of wrong that he goes to Greenlee first, even if they were stranded together.  Kendall was the one who agonized for a month, wondering if he’d ever come back, if he was even alive. Kendall was the one who practically gave up hope at one point.

Kendall is his wife. It doesn’t matter that she wasn’t stuck in the hole with him… the fact remains, she’s his wife. Kendall should have been told first, not Greenlee.

Funny part of this all, is that Greenlee had asked Zach if he called Kendall yet. It wasn’t until Richie was finally being arrested that he got around to calling her.

Zach… it took ya long enough.

Great WTF? Moments in All My Children History

We start here, but, rest assured, there will be more:

The Satin Slayer – not that the serial killer storyline isn’t a great device for trimming down a bloated cast, but come on… Alex Cambias, Senior… who died… and was cremated… was actually still alive and was the lunatic murderer? Please. He plunged chemicals into the necks of unsuspecting women all over Fusion just to get back at his son, Zach Slater, who had nothing to do with Fusion save the fact that his wife, Kendall Hart, was co-owner of Fusion and was married to Zach instead of to Alex’s Man-Crush, Ryan Lavery? Really? And they had to kill one of the most beloved characters in daytime television history in Dixie Cooney-Martin to accomplish this lame-o storyline? Not only that, they killed her with pancakes? Pancakes?! Peanut butter-banana pancakes?!?!?

Um, WTF?

The Idiots in Char- er, the production and writing staff at AMC decided this would be a great idea for a retched storyline. Kill off an idolized and much beloved character to give the sinking (stinking?) plot a lift. Well, it gave it a lift, alright, sending loyal viewers into a frenzy and causing them to bolt the show in droves. Tad and Dixie fans were outraged, long-time viewers furious. And recently, Producer Julie Hanan-Carruthers admitted she made a mistake when ex-headwriter Megan McTavish came to her with this moronic idea and she let her actually write it!

So, death by pancake it shall be.

Then they proceeded to toss a red herring at us and let us mistakenly believe that Babe Carey-Chandler-Chandler had become a victim of this heinous killer (oh, would that it were). At this time, when Babe lay in a make-shift hospital bed in the basement of the Seasons Casino, because I understand many casino basements are quite sterile, the much-beloved town lesbian Bianca Montgomery comes to a realization. You know, she thinks, it wasn’t all that bad that Babe took my child and raised her for 9+ months, letting me think my baby was dead and that this incredible bond I had with Babe’s child was just one of those things. (Babe actually thought the way to make this all better, without revealing the fact that Baby Chandler was actually Miranda, was to make Bianca the Godmother to her own child. Yep, that’s good enough for me!) So she rushes to Babe’s side and forgives her. Forgives her for stealing her child! Are you kidding me?!? Too bad that while Bianca was there forgiving Babe for this slight indiscretion, she couldn’t have poked around in the corners of the basement and looked for the pod that contained the real Bianca, because the sane viewers who were still watching AMC at that time really missed her. (I could really get into the whole forgiving of Babe and not giving Maggie the time of day thing here, but that’s another story for another day)

Anyway, back to the Satin Slayer (which, I still can help but laugh whenever I say that… seriously, if you were a maniacal spree killer, wouldn’t you be furious if the press anointed you the Satin Slayer? “What?!?! They’re calling me the Satin Slayer?!? I sound like a weenie!!”). So, dead and buried (and cremated) Alex Cambias, Sr., comes back from the dead and buried (and cremated) to exact his revenge on Alex Cambias, Jr. (aka Zach Slater), for faking his death, lo, those many years ago… Alex, Senior, thinks Ryan Lavery is more of a man than Alex, Junior, and is literally a god in human form (and, apparently, so did Megan McTavish, because she shoved this information down our throats on a repeated basis), so to get back at his son, he started killing random women… Yeah, I think he had a shot at that insanity defense even before he got gunned down. You know what, Senior? You love Ryan so d*mn much, why don’t you marry him?

While the entire town is on the hunt for the Satin Slayer (*giggle*), resident Transgender Rock Star Zarf/Zoe goes to the cemetery to visit Babe’s grave (Zarf/Zoe hasn’t been let in on the secret that Babe’s still alive and kicking over in the Seasons basement) and gets beaten to a literal pulp by, presumably, the Satin Slayer (*snicker*). During said beating, Zarf/Zoe looks up at his/her attacker and says “You!” as if he/she knows who is delivering such a vicious beating. Well, the interesting thing here is, Zarf/Zoe didn’t know who Alex Cambias, Sr., is or was. So how did he/she recognize that it was Alex Cambias, Sr., laying such a beat-down on him/her?

Really… WTF?

This storyline was riddled with holes and implausible moments. I mean, okay, I get coming back from the dead, a favorite plot device for bringing back beloved characters and the actors who portray them, but most of these haven’t been cremated! And Alex Cambias, Sr., wasn’t on the AMC canvas in recent months- or years, if you want to really pick nits- let alone a beloved character. Let’s face it, other than to explain what Ryan had been doing while gone from Pine Valley and siring both evil Michael Cambias and gorgeous Zach Slater, what importance did Alex Cambias, Sr., himself ever add to AMC? (well, other than Ryan’s God-complex and Miranda’s inheritance)

And when Alex, Sr., was on AMC, he was a benevolent man who was mortified by son Michael’s actions and regretted until his dying breath what Michael had done to Bianca, Erica and the entire town of Pine Valley. So, now he comes back to terrorize the very same city? Because his other son, who never even lived there until a couple years ago, pretended to be dead? Just… out of the blue (and after years of being dead) he’s become a murdering sociopath?

Really?

WTF?

I can just imagine what happened in the warroom when this storyline was introduced.

Headwriter: Okay, we’re going to do a serial killer storyline because I think it’s time.
Writer 1: Who are you killing off?
Headwriter: Oh, just a couple of dead weight characters.
Writer 2: Oh, okay.
Headwriter: Yeah… Oh, and the much beloved Dixie… and the beloved Simone… yeah, and Erin Lavery…
Writer 1: What?!
Writer 2: I think I’m going to call in sick the day you write that one.
Writer 1: Who’s the killer?
Headwriter: Well, I don’t want to waste any of my pets- er, anyone valuable on the show, so I’m going to bring back a character that no one will expect.
Writer 2: Why?
Headwriter: Because it’ll be a big surprise!
Writer 1: So, who is it? Oh, I know, Petey Cortland!
Headwriter: Nope.
Writer 2: Greenlee!
Headwriter: Oh, no, I’ve got plans for that character! BIG plans! Everyone will hate her when I’m finished with her!
Writer 1: So, who is it?
Writer 2: Yeah, who’s the killer?
Headwriter: They’re going to be called the Satin Slayer-
Writer 1: What? Are you kidding?
Writer 2: That’s the stupidest name ever!
Headwriter: Stop laughing!
Writer 2: Tell us, we promise to stop laughing.
Headwriter: It’s… Alex Cambias, Senior!
Writer 1: *blink* Who?
Writer 2: Wasn’t he cremated about 4 years ago?
Headwriter: Back from the dead!
Writer 2: Wait, he was cremated! You know, reduced to ashes and put in a little can?
Headwriter: Yeah, and Erica had an abortion once, but that changed, too, didn’t it? What’s your point?
Writer 1: WTF?

Yeah… Seriously… WTF?

Today’s WTF? moment on All My Children…

Earlier this week, Jake Martin was in the hands of Sudanese rebels in Darfur. Zach Slater sent Aidan Devane to rescue Jake Martin, since Aidan used to be MI-4 or 5 or one of those numbers in Her Majesty’s Secret Service before giving it all up to become a small town PI in Pine Valley, PA.

Tuesday of this week, Aidan and Jake were both captives, since Aidan’s a little rusty on the whole spy thing, it appears, and the rebels were on a satellite feed to Zach demanding 5 million bucks for their freedom. I know the rebels were serious because they told Zach more than once that if they did not get their money, then Jake and Aidan would die. They even made a point of telling Jake and Aidan that if they didn’t get the money, Jake and Aidan would die. They told anyone and everyone that if they didn’t get the money, Jake and Aidan would die.

In case you didn’t get the word, these Sudanese rebels who are holding Jake Martin and Aidan Devane captive are demanding 5 million dollars or Jake and Aidan will die.

Through the miracles of modern technology, these Rebels apparently have really good Wi-Fi and lightening fast DSL in the middle of nowhere and have been having face to face conversations with Zach (and Ryan, who apparently is now a trouble-shooter for Cambias, but that’s another story) way back in Pine Valley, where they made their demands for 5 million dollars or, say it with me, Jake and Aidan will die. Zach, of course, demanded to speak to his man Aidan, which, after threatening Zach with Jake and Aidan’s death a couple more times, the Rebel leader allowed to occur. At this point, Zach tells Aidan that they’re wiring the 5 million and the rebels will have it in approximately 30 minutes (30 minutes, emphasis added by ZS). Aidan gets the hint that Zach is throwing him and mere seconds later, the rebel camp is rocked with an explosion.

All hell has broken loose in both Darfur and Pine Valley. The feed has been lost and Geek Squad member Ryan is trying to re-establish contact. Tad has arrived to find out if Zach has heard from Aidan (um, yeah, Tad, he’s going to die unless these Sudanese rebels get 5 million dollars), Greenlee is freaking out because she’s already lost Leo and Ryan (kind of, if anyone remembers Ryan’s motorcycle jump off a cliff) so she’s in a serious state of denial.

As Tad rips into Zach and Kendall about sending Aidan to rescue Jake, there’s a lot of accusations being made about why Zach sent Aidan (the whole Kaidan sex while Zachlee was stuck in a hole thing, which I don’t understand how Greenlee didn’t hear them talking about this, since she was probably less than 15 feet away and Tad wasn’t trying to keep his voice down, but I digress), and Tad stormed out, snapping that he had to go tell his parents that their son was dead. Call me crazy, but shouldn’t he have waited a few more minutes before leaping off the Cliff of Conclusions? (especially knowing it literally was only a few more minutes before baby brother landed back in the Valley of the Pine)

For some reason, though, Tad storms off to the Comeback Bar instead of Pine Valley Hospital where his father, the chief of staff, and mother, a head nurse, are gainfully employed. While at the Comeback, Angie, who is there with her newly back-from-the-dead husband Jesse and their son and her daughter, gets a page to get the PVH stat for an emergency.

Ryan gets the feed back from the Rebel camp. Apparently, someone accidentally unplugged the cable, but quickly got it plugged back in… The smoke is clearing after the explosion and gunfire. Greenlee sees something… It’s the watch she gave Aidan, which I think Aidan was using to free himself and Jake. She’s despondent now…

Angie gets to PVH for the emergency and goes to see the new patient who has just been brought in… it’s Jake… It’s Jake!!! It’s Jake?

Back at Zach’s office, Greenlee is leaning on Kendall’s shoulder, telling her about the first time she told Aidan “I love you”. Kendall asks Greenlee what Aidan said and they hear the answer coming from behind them…from Aidan!

So Jake and Aidan are already back at Pine Valley? When they were just being held captive in Darfur? Africa? And they’re back in Pennsylvania? Right after the explosion at the camp where they were being held captive? In Darfur? Already?

Um… WTF?

So… is Cambias Industries working on a transporter? And, apparently, they have enough Dilithium Crystals to beam Jake (and Aidan) back from Darfur to PVH in his injured condition that quickly? You’d think with a transporter like that, Binks would visit home more often. Scottie could beam her over for a few minutes each day… She’d be able to visit Momma Kane in the Big House…

Or does Pennsylvania border Darfur? I mean, since apparently everything else in the world is close to Pine Valley… like the ocean, the mountains and the beach… All within driving distance… heck, walking distance!

I realize there’s a suspension of disbelief inherent in all soap operas, but this is ridiculous. We’re supposed to believe that Zach’s men not only got Aidan and Jake out of a rebel camp on the other side of the world, but they got them back to Pine Valley before Zach, Ryan and the gang even finished their “business” over the Internet with the rebels who were demanding a ransom? Amidst rebel violence in a country that has real problems with American’s? And that from the time it took Tad to arrive at Cambias, tell Zendall off, leave and arrive back at the Comeback, thinking his brother was dead, his brother was arriving at Pine Valley Hospital? Already ensconced in a hospital bed?!?!

We’re talking a 30 minute timeframe, here, people!!! Zach told Aidan the 5 million dollar ransom (or Jake and Aidan would die) would be delivered in the next 30 minutes. Seconds after that statement was made, there was an explosion and the feed was lost, then gunfire… then some fumbling, some soul-searching, some confrontation… then… Jake and Aidan are BACK IN PINE VALLEY!!!

Wow… I mean, seriously… wow… that’s just bad. Bad storytelling, bad plotting, bad writing, bad, bad, bad…

Just… WOW

And where the hell is Jamie? Wasn’t he with his Uncle Jake earlier this year? Did he get bored with medicine or did he meet some chick with the Peace Corps and follow her back to her homeland? Which, with Jamie’s luck, was probably Sweden…

Lt. O’Binka ready for transport…


*special thanks to Donna Pool for the wonderful image of Bianca as a Star Trek communications officer*