Redemption…

So, I have a question…

After everything that Annie has done, how exactly will this character be redeemed?

Is she past redemption?

Is there still hope?

Will she remain a loon and just cause havoc in everyone’s lives?

Okay, so that was more than one question, but it’s something worth pondering. Understandably, every soap needs a resident loon. All My Children had that many moons ago in the form of Janet Green. My memory is fuzzy but I recall her tossing Natalie, her sister down a well and leaving her there. And then there was the time she was committed, got some plastic surgery giving her a new face and she paraded around as Jane Cox. She inserted herself into Trevor Dillon’s life, as well as his family’s, because she shared a daughter (Amanda) with him.

During that time, Harold the dog (Timmy and Amanda’s dog) sensed something fishy so Janet drugged him and had the poor pooch shipped away in a truck. Fast forward a little bit, Trevor learns the truth, but somehow Janet was redeemed. Don’t ask me how, because I can’t remember.

Anyhow, cut to who we have today, Annie Lavery. Is there any viable way for this character to be taken seriously anymore? Then again, one must wonder if Annie is really a loon or if this is all an act.

And after all is said it done, it really makes you wonder who was the crazier of the two — Annie or her brother, Richie.

Perhaps they’re equally loony.

Poor Emma, though. The little girl is probably the biggest victim in all of this.

Anyone want to chip in for the child’s therapy bills?

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An INCREDIBLE WTF? moment from All My Children, 11/25/08)

Okay, so… on Monday’s AMC, Annie jumped off the balcony at the apartment she and Ryan shared in happier days, when they were the perfect little family with daughter Emma. *snore* Now, I’m assuming it was a pretty long drop, since the sound of her scream as she plummeted to the ground was a little longer than “Heeeeey! And I’m down!”, it was more like a “Aiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”, similar to those missile sounds you used to make when you were playing war with those little green military men back in your childhood. Plus, I would imagine that a guy like Ryan, who is apparently independently wealthy and has the means to afford a penthouse apartment, would have one. So, I would guess she took a pretty good plummet of at least 8-10 stories.

Well, imagine my shock when Greenlee looked over the balcony and said, I kid you not: “She made it.”

Um, WTF? She MADE IT?!?! She threw herself off a balcony in a high-rise apartment and MADE IT?!?!?

REALLY?!?!?

WTF?!?!?!?!??!?!?

I am beyond speechless… Seriously… I can’t… Wow…

Just…. wow….

While I, and I am sure many other AMC viewers, watch in complete awe at the sheer idiocy of such an incredibly poorly written piece of drivel, Ryan tells Greenlee to stay put, he’s going to go get Annie.

Now, normally in this situation, Ryan would have had to get Annie with a sponge or something similar to wipe up the slimey spot she just left on the sidewalk because it’s not the fall that kills you but the sudden stop at the end, but he returns moments later, limping and holding his leg. Apparently, Annie found a getaway car and fled the scene, clipping Ryan in the process…

WHAT. THE. F*CK?!?!?

Wow, so, not only did Annie land lightly from her leap, but she almost hit Ryan with the car she DROVE. AWAY. IN!!!

Oh, now that’s believable.

She’s very flexible… and rubbery… She’s Gumby, dammit! (But she’s very bad at the whole killing Ryan thing, though, first by not shooting him with the gun she had pointed at his oh-so-broad chest, then by managing to only clip him with 2 tons of steel…)

The next we see Annie, she’s instantaneously arrived at Wildwind to have a Thanksgiving dinner in her twisted mind… So, at least the Cambias transporter is working well. Must be that new shipment of Dilithium Crystals…

It is here we see that Annie not only survived the fall and drove away in a car… SHE DOESN’T HAVE A SCRATCH ON HER!!! She has arrived at Wildwind and is planning some grand dinner. SHE. DOESN’T. HAVE. A. SCRATCH. ON. HER!

SHE’S NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT DISHEVELED!!!!

Oh, my GOD, how stupid is Charles Pratt?!?!? Are you kidding me?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Seriously, I don’t think there is enough WTF’s and “?”s and “!”s to properly describe how absolutely ridiculous and ludicrous and completely outrageously stupid this is. This is television writing at it’s absolute WORST! This makes Hello, Larry look like Shakespeare!

Now, granted someone did say they saw two tiny scratches on her knuckle. But I don’t think that was from the fall, I think it was from setting the table… you know, chipped china and all…

Humorously, David arrives home from a day of playing God at Pine Valley Hospital and interrupts Annie’s twisted little daydream of a Thanksgiving where she and Ryan are happy, Greenlee is with Aidan and apologetic for ever thinking she wanted Ryan (oh, would that it were), and life is all rainbows and butterflies.

Um, this was the Thanksgiving fantasy episode we were promised? Are you kidding?

Annie got away from Wildwind and David by apparently knocking him the sh*t out, which was actually very funny, but what happened previously rendered this completely unimportant.

This was utterly ridiculous and made idiots out of every viewer who watched. Charles Pratt’s writing is not only horribly bad, it’s ridiculously unbelievable.

Pratt owes everyone who watched this preposterous plot a HUGE apology. Sadly, he can’t give us back our lost brain cells.

I mean, seriously…. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

W.T.F?!?!?!?!?

Sorry that this one is so scattershot, but this was so absurd and ludicrous, I can’t adequately describe how WTF-ish it is…

P.S. Thanks to Phyl and Rhap for adding a couple lines to this rant. Gumby and the scratches… all theirs.

A WTF? moment for All My Children, 11/24/08

So we now discover that Bianca and Reese, who are an amazingly cool and in love couple, don’t even know each other… At all… Yesterday, JR and Bianca had a little run-in and Bianca had to explain to a rather startled Reese about the history they shared concerning a little tumble off a two-story balcony.

Um… WTF?

Reese apparently didn’t know that JR gave Binksy a trip off a balcony in Florida and that Bess was Miranda for, lo those 9+ months? Did she live in a vacuum or not have access to the Internet or tabloids before she got beaned in the melon by a ball in a Paris park? (Seriously, she didn’t head back to her place after the beaning and Google ‘Bianca Montgomery’? Really?) I thought Erica Kane’s lesbian daughter was tabloid fodder all around the world. I mean, that’s what we were led to believe for years after Bianca’s coming out.

But, really, wouldn’t this have been a better exchange?

Reese: What was that all about?

Bianca: Oh, JR had my daughter, who I thought was his daughter, because his wife Babe, who is – or rather was– love, stole her from me for 9 months, this is Miranda I’m talking about here, but actually, she didn’t steal her, we were just lost to each other- anyway JR and I argued, after I Kane-slapped the snot out of Babe, and then JR got mad and we stepped out onto the balcony to chat and he pushed me off, or I jumped, I’m kinda unlcear on the whole thing, and I fell ever so daintily 2 floors and ended up in a coma for a while. They didn’t think I was going to make it, you know. Anyway, Mom finally convinced Adam that Bess was Miranda and brought her to me and, ta da! I woke up. I kinda remember someone whispering in my ear that they loved me, but that’s blurry, too. Did I not tell you any of this after we started dating?

Apparently not, Binks…

So… Reese apparently didn’t and/or still doesn’t know that Bianca offed the man who raped her and impregnated her, creating Miranda. Reese apparently didn’t know about Kendall willing to take the fall for Michael’s murder to hide Bianca’s pregnancy from the world (which, I believe, was because Bianca didn’t want to hurt her mother and become tabloid fodder). Does Cool Reese know that Babe, who is- or rather was– love, stole Miranda and paraded her around town for 9 months as her own daughter and let Bianca be her own child’s godmother, and then Bianca willingly FORGAVE Babe for this, saying that she and Miranda were merely “lost” to one another for the better part of a year?

We’re supposed to believe that this couple, who are living together, raising a daughter together and so in love they decided to have another child, don’t know anything about what has happened in their past? What has formed their will, determination, psyche, psychoses and outlook on life? Reese even said yesterday that she was rather surprised when Bianca got so upset at a man in Paris for shoving the woman he was with… so, Bianca never even told Reese about the woman she had been living with in Paris, who was also the “love of Bianca’s life” and who had been in an abusive relationship that Bianca had been desperate to get her out?

Bianca finally seems concerned of how her sister might react when she learns of Bianca and Zach’s betrayal in order to pop out a kid with a woman she apparently only met about 10 months ago and Reese, in her obliviousness, doesn’t make things any better.

Bianca: You don’t know my sister.

Reese: No, but I know you.

Oh, really? What’s her favorite movie, Reese? Where did she live when she moved out of her mother’s house? Did you know she had a juvenile record for driving while drunk? Did you know she was going to college when she was pregnant with Miranda? Did you know she likes cotton candy and spending the day at the park in the summer? Who was her best friend before Maggie Stone? Do you know how that best friend died? Did you know that Bianca has a history of pyromania? That she has an eating disorder? Was “committed” to another woman at one time? Almost moved to Poland to be with that woman? Stole a baby one Christmas because she was convinced the child was hers? (she was right, by the way, but that’s not the point)

Shall I go on, Reese?

Wow… So, I’ve written a little letter to Charles Pratt, Head hack- er, writer at All My Children. It’s short but rather succinct and to the point. Tell me what you think:

Dear Mr. Pratt,

Can you please explain to me how the super cool couple you created in Reese and Bianca have been living together, had a child together and want to marry know so alarmingly little about each other?

Seriously I would like to know,
Mary Beth

I mean, really… WTF?

The IB’s get political… Well, Eden does in the name of civil rights.

If this doesn’t make you buy the Imaginary Bitches DVD, I don’t know what will. Help make a difference!