The Wedding of the Century…

(disclaimer – the contents of this particular blog are the opinions of the writer only. The views expressed in this blog are in NO WAY a reflection of the opinions of anyone else who writes articles on Soap Suds and Duds)

So, Bianca and Reese marry. They barely know each other, have a child together, Reese is in lust with Bianca’s brother-in-law, they’ve betrayed Bianca’s much-loved sister, and still, they marry…

They have the maturity level of two horny teenagers riding a hormonal wave of lust rather than two adult women making a loving and happy home for their children. You know, their newborn child and older daughter Miranda. Especially Miranda. Remember her? Bianca doesn’t. She’s become remarkably, incredibly selfish. They’re both self-centered, whiny brats, concerned about no one but themselves and their groundbreaking wedding. Not to mention that Bianca’s first born tends to be forgotten. A lot. Like, never mentioned when talking about their other child. As if she never existed…

Miranda’s been hanging out in the Martin attic, apparently…

And still they marry…

Is it just me or does anyone else find it incredibly ironic that the wedding takes place on Friday the 13th?

Anyway, following the wedding, things quickly fall apart for the happy couple. Or should I say things quickly fall apart for the moderately-okay-with-themselves-where-they-currently-are-in-their-lives couple. Ryan lets out a secret that sends Bianca into hiding at her mother’s with the kids in tow, then she just plain splits town on February 24th after apparently serving Reese with annulment papers, or after Reese gets annulment papers, or possibly before. Just know that Bianca heads back to Paris and Reese gets annulment papers but possibly not exactly in that order. Okay?

So, the first same-sex marriage in the history of daytime television quickly becomes the shortest same-sex marriage in the history of daytime television…

Well done, All My Children and Mr. Charles Pratt. Well done, indeed.

With Bianca’s departure comes the exit of Eden Riegel, the Daytime Emmy-award winning actor. Rumor has it she returns a couple months down the road to bring the storyline to a conclusion, with all parties saying that things work out well for Bianca and Reese.

Oh, rly?

If Bianca returns to Pine Valley and takes Reese back after Reese threatens to ruin the lives of both Kendall and Ryan, continues to sniff after Zach, conspires with Adam Chandler and basically makes herself a menace, then Bianca is the stupidest waste of oxygen on this big blue marble that’s hurtling through space.

But then again, this is the woman who forgave Babe for stealing her child for the better part of a year…

Wedding of the century, indeed…

Good thing it’s very early in the century, huh?

P.S. Thanks to my pals Phyl and Donna for their help and contributions to this therapeutic little piece…

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Eden Riegel departs All My Children…

Eden’s last air date is February 24th (ironically 4 years to the day of her initial departure), when her character, Bianca, loads up her two daughters and returns to Paris without the “love of her life” new bride Reese, who, for some unknown reason, decides to stay behind in Pine Valley rather than follow closely on Bianca’s heels and attempt to save their brand new marriage…

She’ll apparently return later this winter to conclude the Rinks storyline.

Despite our love and support for Eden, there are those of us who aren’t exactly holding our breath.

A WTF? moment for All My Children, 11/24/08

So we now discover that Bianca and Reese, who are an amazingly cool and in love couple, don’t even know each other… At all… Yesterday, JR and Bianca had a little run-in and Bianca had to explain to a rather startled Reese about the history they shared concerning a little tumble off a two-story balcony.

Um… WTF?

Reese apparently didn’t know that JR gave Binksy a trip off a balcony in Florida and that Bess was Miranda for, lo those 9+ months? Did she live in a vacuum or not have access to the Internet or tabloids before she got beaned in the melon by a ball in a Paris park? (Seriously, she didn’t head back to her place after the beaning and Google ‘Bianca Montgomery’? Really?) I thought Erica Kane’s lesbian daughter was tabloid fodder all around the world. I mean, that’s what we were led to believe for years after Bianca’s coming out.

But, really, wouldn’t this have been a better exchange?

Reese: What was that all about?

Bianca: Oh, JR had my daughter, who I thought was his daughter, because his wife Babe, who is – or rather was– love, stole her from me for 9 months, this is Miranda I’m talking about here, but actually, she didn’t steal her, we were just lost to each other- anyway JR and I argued, after I Kane-slapped the snot out of Babe, and then JR got mad and we stepped out onto the balcony to chat and he pushed me off, or I jumped, I’m kinda unlcear on the whole thing, and I fell ever so daintily 2 floors and ended up in a coma for a while. They didn’t think I was going to make it, you know. Anyway, Mom finally convinced Adam that Bess was Miranda and brought her to me and, ta da! I woke up. I kinda remember someone whispering in my ear that they loved me, but that’s blurry, too. Did I not tell you any of this after we started dating?

Apparently not, Binks…

So… Reese apparently didn’t and/or still doesn’t know that Bianca offed the man who raped her and impregnated her, creating Miranda. Reese apparently didn’t know about Kendall willing to take the fall for Michael’s murder to hide Bianca’s pregnancy from the world (which, I believe, was because Bianca didn’t want to hurt her mother and become tabloid fodder). Does Cool Reese know that Babe, who is- or rather was– love, stole Miranda and paraded her around town for 9 months as her own daughter and let Bianca be her own child’s godmother, and then Bianca willingly FORGAVE Babe for this, saying that she and Miranda were merely “lost” to one another for the better part of a year?

We’re supposed to believe that this couple, who are living together, raising a daughter together and so in love they decided to have another child, don’t know anything about what has happened in their past? What has formed their will, determination, psyche, psychoses and outlook on life? Reese even said yesterday that she was rather surprised when Bianca got so upset at a man in Paris for shoving the woman he was with… so, Bianca never even told Reese about the woman she had been living with in Paris, who was also the “love of Bianca’s life” and who had been in an abusive relationship that Bianca had been desperate to get her out?

Bianca finally seems concerned of how her sister might react when she learns of Bianca and Zach’s betrayal in order to pop out a kid with a woman she apparently only met about 10 months ago and Reese, in her obliviousness, doesn’t make things any better.

Bianca: You don’t know my sister.

Reese: No, but I know you.

Oh, really? What’s her favorite movie, Reese? Where did she live when she moved out of her mother’s house? Did you know she had a juvenile record for driving while drunk? Did you know she was going to college when she was pregnant with Miranda? Did you know she likes cotton candy and spending the day at the park in the summer? Who was her best friend before Maggie Stone? Do you know how that best friend died? Did you know that Bianca has a history of pyromania? That she has an eating disorder? Was “committed” to another woman at one time? Almost moved to Poland to be with that woman? Stole a baby one Christmas because she was convinced the child was hers? (she was right, by the way, but that’s not the point)

Shall I go on, Reese?

Wow… So, I’ve written a little letter to Charles Pratt, Head hack- er, writer at All My Children. It’s short but rather succinct and to the point. Tell me what you think:

Dear Mr. Pratt,

Can you please explain to me how the super cool couple you created in Reese and Bianca have been living together, had a child together and want to marry know so alarmingly little about each other?

Seriously I would like to know,
Mary Beth

I mean, really… WTF?

Exclusive Q&A with Eden Riegel, Part Deux

Here’s Part 2 of my exclusive Q&A with Imaginary Bitches star Eden Riegel. Eden was kind enough to answer questions about more than just her incredibly popular web series, including her time on All My Children as much-beloved, incredibly put-upon icon Bianca Montgomery, where she managed to open many narrow minds with her effective, sensitive and wonderful portrayal of daytime’s first front-burner homosexual character, things she would have changed, things she wouldn’t touch, her chemistry with Elizabeth Hendrickson, the life of BAM and her newly minted marriage to husband/writer/director Andrew Miller (or as we call him around here at SS&D… God).

I hope you enjoy.

SS&D: Now, taking a step back in time…Bianca… How different is it playing goodie two-shoes, sweet and innocent Bianca and smart-talking, not-as-crazy-as-she-seems “Eden”? How different is that mind-set?

Eden: Not that different, actually. It’s a different type of earnestness, but both ladies are incredibly earnest. In fact, the comedy comes from the fact that “Eden” is the least likely person to have such a raunchy, bitchy subconscious. So, on the surface, she and Bianca are the same. It’s just underneath that things get a bit choppier.

SS&D: Let’s face it, playing a lesbian is rife with possibilities… How did Bianca end up being so virtuous? She is quite possibly the most angelic character, well, ever. (The one night stand with Leslie caused some outrage because that just wasn’t Bianca’s style and even the refusal to talk to Maggie caused some resentment among hard-liners – and don’t get me started on the Babe forgiveness)

Eden: Yeah, I think maybe the fans were experiencing growing pains at the idea of Bianca growing up. I agree that that was completely out of character. But, as you mentioned, Bianca’s been through a lot of crapola and is decidedly NOT a saint — that’s why her struggle is so relatable. So she’s trying some new things, to see if they fit. Or she’s so sick of people letting her down that when the person she loves more than anyone on earth does it she can’t forgive her. Or the reality of her best friend letting her believe that her daughter is dead drives her bat-s***-crazy. She’s not perfect. What makes her virtuous is that she tries damn hard.

SS&D: Was it sometimes hard to play such a character, that everyone in Pine Valley thought was all sweetness and light, while you had to watch their characters gettin’ busy with each other on a daily basis?

Eden: Yeah, that sucked. But at the same time, like you mentioned in the last question, that’s just not Bianca. She would never do that. So the writers had to get creative. And because of that I had amazing, compelling stories to play.

SS&D: Bianca was frequently called the moral compass of Pine Valley. Did you ever want to see Bianca just snap and go on some kind of amoral spree that would scandalize even the most jaded citizens of Bianca’s home town? (the Bada$$ Bianca fantasy episode comes to mind) What would you have had her do to shock the good people of Pine Valley?

Eden: I’m not sure. I think it might have been a cheap thrill. At that point Pine Valley was pretty morally bereft, and they needed a compass, desperately. The fantasy episode was fun, but usually when Bianca lost control it was because something traumatic pushed her to it (remember drunk Bianca dancing on the pool table? Really badly? Like, totally embarrassing herself?) For her to lose her sense of morals she’d have to have a severe head injury. Or be an evil twin. That would be super fun! But in the end I would want Bianca back, untarnished and with her little heart pointing to true north.

SS&D: To be honest, I think that’s the only way all of Bianca’s fans would want her to be. But would you have liked to have seen more romance in Bianca’s life? Not necessarily love scenes, because, well, those can be so over-the-top on soaps, even among heterosexual couples (I’ve seen some seriously cringe-inducing scenes on ABC soaps, Ryan/Greenlee anyone?), but possibly mornings-after, cuddling, natural displays of affection?

Eden: Yeah, that would have been fun. I had one scene that I remember, waking up with Lena the morning after. I think she gave me a little peck when she said goodbye, too. That was sweet.

SS&D: It’s obvious you and Elizabeth Hendrickson are close friends and you’ve played some incredibly heavy, emotionally charged scenes opposite each other. Even though Bianca and Maggie were just as close (some would say even closer, considering their eventual relationship), did you ever find it hard to get into character? Did you ever look at a script and think, oh, there is no way we’re going to get through this scene…?

Eden: Not really. Is that weird? I have total faith in us. I think we’re awesome. There’s nothing we can’t do!

SS&D: I don’t think that’s weird, I think that shows what tremendous chemistry you have and that you trust each other completely when it comes to your work. And if you could actually bring Bianca and Maggie back to Pine Valley, how would you do it? Because, you’re right that we BAM fans are all imagining that they’re back together in Paris, raising Miranda as a family… as it should be. (and, by the way, Miranda loves hockey)

Eden: Maybe we’d come back to the town to make Miranda’s adoption legal, have Maggie get inseminated by Josh, and have a huge splashy wedding at the Valley Inn! (Or maybe something smaller and more intimate at the boathouse). By the way, Miranda’s a Leafs fan. Not a Detroit fan like her Uncle Zack and cousin Spike.

SS&D: (*blinks at the thought of Maggie being inseminated by Josh… artificially, of course*) I never would have thought of that, but I’d love the idea of Bianca getting her heart’s desire and seeing AMC tell the first same sex marriage storyline on daytime television. Although, I have a feeling Erica would take complete control of the whole thing, much to Bianca’s dismay. (um, and I’ve heard Mimo is a Rangers fan) Other than the excellent (I’m running out of adjectives to describe the show here) web series, your new life as a married woman and mom to a puppy, I’ve heard that you like to figure skate. Did you begin at an early age or is this a relatively new hobby?

Eden: I started at the age of 10, and stopped at, like, 15. So it was tough getting back to it, but it is so fun and great to challenge yourself in a new way. Like being a kid again. I haven’t made it to the rink in a while. I gotta get back to it!

SS&D: And Andrew likes to practice his hockey moves? Does he play in a league in LA? I know there were several celebrity teams out there at one time. Is he a winger or a defenseman? Are you one of those skaters that goes out to center ice and does spins and jumps while the rest of us mopes who are lucky enough to be able to go forward without doing a faceplant skate around in a big oval? (although I like to think I’m somewhat capable on the ice)

Eden: I’ve been known to show off a little. The worst is when you attempt something and people are watching and fall on your butt. Andrew doesn’t play for a league, but he grabs pick up games at a couple of rinks. He started as an adult, despite the fact that he was born and raised in Canada. Unfortunately Cam and his other friends were more skiers than hockey players (I understand it’s one or the other) so Andrew just got into it recently. He loves it.

SS&D: Skating is excellent exercise; I go weekly in the winter. Your newest family member is the adorable little puppy you adopted. Have you taught Riley to do any tricks? Does he rule the house yet? The most telling question, actually, would be: Where does he sleep? On your bed with you or relegated to a bed of his own?

Eden: Bed of his own, I’m afraid. I so wish we could cuddle with him at night (he is VERY cuddly and loving) but once you let ’em in it’s sort of the end of the honeymoon period, if you know what I mean. Riley sits, downs, heels and comes… sometimes. When he feels like it. We’re working on it.

SS&D: I feel like I must ask you at least one James Lipton question and I’ve previously asked you what your favorite curse word is (same as mine, by the way, nice choice), so… If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Eden: Ya done good.

SS&D: Eden, it’s obvious you married a keeper… Does he have any brothers?

Eden: Sadly no… but he’s got a couple of hot sisters!

SS&D: Thank you, again, Eden for taking the time to answer these questions. You know we wish you continued success with Imaginary Bitches and all your future endeavors. And congratulations again to both of you on your marriage, your new family and all your cinematic achievements.

Eden: It is truly my pleasure. I can’t thank you (and Tracy) enough for your support, enthusiasm, and general happiness-making! You are amazing. I thank my lucky stars every day that I thought your eyebrows were Michael Knight’s, and was dumb enough to say it out loud. Andrew and I look forward to your comments every week. Because you just get it, Lady! Thank you so much. And keep in touch.

SS&D: Well, I do what I can. And I think the tables just turned and now I will never live that down… Well played.

There are 4 new episodes left to season one of Imaginary Bitches, airing every Friday at 11:00 pm Eastern, 10:00 pm Central, 8:00 pm Pacific time. You can catch the new episodes of Imaginary Bitches at http://www.youtube.com/user/ImaginaryBitches. Or you can visit the IB website at http://www.imaginarybitches.com/Home.html.

And you can shop for fashionable IB apparel at http://www.cafepress.com/imaginaryshop.

Check out IB Message Board at http://imaginarybitches.yuku.com/.

Exclusive Q&A Interview With Eden Riegel, part 1

Her name is Eden Riegel. If you’ve ever watched soap operas, you know who she is. She’s an Emmy winner, a daytime television icon and the star of an immensely popular web series with the racy title Imaginary Bitches, created for her by her writer/director husband, Andrew Miller (he’s Canadian!). She’s beloved by many, a symbol and heroine to many more and the complete antithesis of a Hollywood starlet (and, yes, I know what “antithesis” means). The mere fact that she so graciously agreed to answer these questions, despite my complete and utter lack of any journalistic ability, proves this fact. She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s rather irreverent, she’s generous, she’s talented and she’s got a wicked sense of humor.

And because she was so gracious in answering what I did not realize was probably too many questions, I’ve split this Q&A into two parts. Look for Part 2, featuring questions about her ground-breaking and iconic role as Bianca Montgomery on All My Children and being a newlywed, to be posted soon.

Again, I can’t thank Eden and Andrew enough for agreeing to answer these questions and taking the time out of what is undoubtedly a very busy schedule to do so.

SS&D: Let’s start with Imaginary Bitches. Have you finished filming for the season? What can we expect from “Eden” and her friends in the coming weeks, both real and imaginary?

Eden: We have finished filming for the season and there is lots of fun in store, I promise! But I don’t want to give anything away because, well, the episodes are like a minute.. If I give away a few surprises it’s like giving away the whole show! I will say that the two-episode season finale is awesome. And the imaginaries begin to bring to the surface parts of Eden’s personality that she didn’t know were there and, frankly, doesn’t want to deal with. I wonder what will happen?!

SS&D: I think it’s safe to say we’re all very excited to find out. Will we ever see the physical embodiment of Catherine or Heather? While I love the idea of never seeing them and watching you interact with very imaginary characters, who do you think would be the perfect actors to play them?

Eden: I don’t know if we’ll ever see them… ask Andrew, he’s the mastermind. I do know that he was very adamant that we shouldn’t see them for at least the first little while. That’s where all the comedy comes from. I’m thrilled, because I get to say three times as much as I would if Catherine and Heather were real actresses, and I get all the good lines! Lines I would never get to say usually because I always play such a sweetie-pie. Here I get to unleash my inner bitch. And it feels good. Also, I like the fact that I get to picture them however I want. I am influenced by the logo, of course…. but I think the perfect actresses would be Frankensteins. You’d have to combine the looks of one with the incredible bitchiness of another with the shallowness of another with the sluttiness of another. It gets messy and bloody. And I don’t think anyone would want them to actually exist! Shudder!

SS&D: Shudder, indeed! Now, I have to ask how much of Catherine and Heather is actually your own subconscious. I mean, have you ever seriously (eats chocolate) thought the things that Catherine and Heather have “said” in real life and wish that you could have actually said them out loud?

Eden: Yeah, I think of them… just a few minutes to late! Seriously (eats chocolate) I really wish I could come up with this stuff. Andrew’s brain just works on a whole different plane. A seriously (eats chocolate) bitchy plane. Wait a minute! I never really thought about this… I wonder if they are reflections of Andrew’s subconscious! Maybe he’s not Mr. Perfect after all!

SS&D: Or have you… actually said them?

Eden: Golly, no. Although I must say, because of Andrew’s influence, or Catherine and Heather’s, or maybe just because I’m growing up, I am absolutely getting more in touch with my “inner-bitch” every day. And I freaking love it! I think for so long I haven’t known anything, not even what my own opinions are. It feels so freeing to start to figure it out, to be able to trust my instincts and not blame myself. Maybe it’s because women are taught to be nice and not say or think mean things that I have traditionally stuffed down any unpleasant thoughts. But not anymore, baby!! Stand back!

SS&D: Everyone look out for uncensored Eden in the future, then. That should be interesting and a lot of fun! Now, “Eden” is such a departure from Bianca, and it’s obvious you’re having a great deal of fun playing her. Is there something you’d really like to see “Eden” do that would completely shatter the good-girl image that portraying Bianca created once and for all?

Eden: I’m not entirely comfortable with idea of “shattering” the image that made people like me so much. I haven’t gone all the way over to the dark side. I still want (read: need) people to like me… like any actor does, I guess. Please like me…

SS&D: I don’t think there’s any question that we do like you. You make it hard not to! So, do you think “Eden” will ever find that one person who puts her back into the group with her “real” friends? Or is she destined to always be on the outside looking in? Or does she prefer to be on the outside looking in? Do you think she’s actually okay with not being a “relationship Pod-Person” and that’s some relief Catherine and Heather afford her?

Eden: Well, that’s a really fascinating question. I think the girls, for all their bitchiness and STDs, are actually a really positive influence on “Eden.” She may well someday find someone to love and love her back, but when she does she will no longer need that person to complete her. And she won’t be with them only to fit in and have something to talk about with her “pod-person” friends, or because she needs someone to tell her she’s pretty, but because she loves herself and therefore has real love to give. Of course, Catherine and Heather don’t think that’s possible. They think men are just for sex and entertainment. Use one and move on! But they are not totally without feeling. They love their girlfriends and think you should be 100% loyal to them. Even if it means shattering their fantasies and telling them things they don’t want to hear.

SS&D: So, If “Eden” were to find someone and begin a relationship, do you think the “girls” will actually go away, or will they find fault with the man in her life, rather than just being snarky to “Eden’s” real friends? I think they’d find a reason to torpedo the relationship, especially if “Eden” isn’t really sure about the guy.

Eden: The girls will only go away when Eden doesn’t need them anymore. I don’t really want to think about it because it makes me cry. I’ve grown very attached to those bitches.

SS&D: I think we all have. And it’s obvious that this is “Eden’s” subconscious talking when she attributes something to the “bitches” (and it’s also become quite apparent that “Eden” is the only sane one in her circle of friends) and that she’s using Catherine and Heather to say things she never would have said before, including taking shots at everyone’s significant others (like saying that Catherine called the boyfriend’s “losers”). Do you think “Eden” will ever get to the point where she starts speaking so frankly and doesn’t blame Catherine or Heather? That what she blurts out is actually her OWN opinion? It’s apparent that she has a wicked sense of humor.

Eden: Somewhere in there she certainly does have a wicked, like, truly wicked in the old sense of the word, sense of humor. I already think that there have been a few instances of Eden using the bitches to say what she really feels. It’s a convenient way out. Her neuroses seem to give her something of a free pass. There will be a tension between Eden and the IBs. I think they will get very close, and start having a blast with one another, and then Eden will pull away if she feels herself getting to far from the sweet girl she sees herself as (and, essentially is, I think — if maybe a little nutty). It is a very tough transition from sweet girl who lets everyone walk all over her, to confident, secure woman. I am sure there will be plenty of growing pains.

SS&D: Is “Eden” at all concerned about Brooke seeing Dr. Kee?

Eden: She sure is! What a quack! We will touch on that in Episode 11.

SS&D: Do you ever look at the writer/director of Imaginary Bitches and say, “This is crap, I can’t do this.”

Eden: Naw, I look at him and say “Coochie, coochie, coo!” and he says “Not on set, baby!”

SS&D: (laughs) What about, “What’s my motivation?”

Eden: Well, yes on that one. I am a big pain in the ass. I like talking about the character’s motivation for EVERYTHING.

SS&D: Okay, how about, “I’ll do the damn scene as soon as I stop laughing!”

Eden: That’s a huge problem on set. Fortunately in most scenes it’s okay to laugh. It’s real. It’s only when I am repeating something really scandalous that Catherine or Heather said that I have to practice it in the mirror like a hundred times so I can try to say it with an angry look on my face and not tear up laughing. Sometimes they are so funny I could die laughing. There’s a line in Episode 9 (coming up this Friday) [ed.: this eppy actually aired last Friday] that I literally couldn’t get through in any rehearsal. Fortunately I was able to say it once, on shooting day.

SS&D: Hmm, now I’ve got to re-watch the episode and try to figure out which line it was, even though I think I have a good idea of what it was! But your facial expressions are probably some the more brilliant moments on Imaginary Bitches. The eye-rolls, the looks of exasperation, the WTF? moment that was absolutely priceless in episode one. Does this come naturally for you? Or do you practice looking in a mirror until the look is just right? Are you rolling your eyes at me right now?

Eden: I definitely do not need to practice the eye roll. I’ve been doing that my whole life. It’s weird, right? I actually ROLL my eyes! I thought that was just an expression!

SS&D: Well, many times, those eye rolls make the scene without you having to speak a word of dialogue (and I love eye-rolls, they really say so much). Although, Andrew has written some fantastically hilarious stuff, your brother has added some brilliantly hysterical and… icky… stuff. You’ve populated the show with good friends, the crew is family. This is a real labor of love, isn’t it?

Eden: That’s right. That’s why we love it so much. Usually in this business you have to be a big shot before they let you surround yourself with and work with people you really like. But because we’re on the interweb, we can make our own rules. And rule number one is it has to be fun.

SS&D: Would you like to see IB picked up by a network? Do you think it would work as a 30-minute sit-com? Would you even want to be boxed in by the conventionality of network television or is the Internet doing the right job for you?

Eden: I’m not sure how it would translate to the boob tube. I think maybe we would need real bitches (with real boobs). Not sure how this imaginary thing would go over. Man, I’d sure like the opportunity to give it a whirl, though. I know it would work great on the silver screen!

SS&D: I think it would be perfect as a feature length film. Are you hiring? (*ahem* blink *cough*) So… um… How overwhelmed are you by the response? You’re coming up on 4.5 million views on YouTube, not counting the views generated by your MySpace page, fans embedding the clip into their own pages and the IB website. Did you ever think it would actually get this big or is this bigger than your wildest dreams? I think it’s a massive success…

Eden: It’s amazing. We just got featured on the front page of YouTube and got half a million hits over night! That was super fun. It’s amazing to get emails and posts everyday with new people discovering the show and loving it. It means everything to us. This show is a huge part of our life right now. We’re proud of it and all we want is for people to see it.

SS&D: The numbers are proving they are, which is absolutely fantastic. Those numbers are growing with every episode that’s uploaded and your many fans anxiously await every Friday night for the next installment. Not to mention the chats after each new episode, where you graciously give your time to interact with your fans (and have endure the occasional obnoxious idiot). I think this is one of those reasons you’ll never have to worry if your fans like you or not, you make it impossible for us not to.

Check back later this week for the second part of my Q&A with Eden where she answers more of my interminable questions about Bianca, BAM, her new puppy Riley and life with Andrew with her usual grace and dignity…

Click here to visit the Official Imaginary Bitches website: http://www.imaginarybitches.com/Home.html

You can also watch every IB episode and subscribe to the IB channel at YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/user/ImaginaryBitches

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A WTF? Moment for All My Children, June 2, 2008 Edition

So, Monday’s episode of All My Children found Tad Martin in a deep sleep that allowed him and ghostDixie to live out their lives had the idiots in cha- er, the powers that be at AMC not killed off Dixie by means of pancake in the winter of 2007. Tad and Dixie married, had Kate to raise, watched her grow and blossom, marry and give birth, and through it all Tad and Dixie had that wonderful sense of humor and obvious affection for each other that the fans always seemed to enjoy.

*sigh*

These wonderful scenes of one of the most popular couples on daytime television almost gives AMC a pass for this week, but, nope, they just couldn’t help themselves.

Tad was ready, willing and able, in his unconscious state, to give it all up to venture with Dixie into eternity. He actually had no qualms about it. Given the chance, I think he would have left a vapor trail getting the hell, as it were, out of Pine Valley. But just as Tad prepared to “go into the light” with Dixie, here comes Adam. Because, you know, Adam can’t let someone else have all of the spotlight, even someone with a tube down his throat. He’s going to save Tad’s life by whispering three little words into Tad’s ear.

No, not “I love you”, which, honestly, would have made for a much more interesting storyline, but “Kathy is Kate”.

And he does just this. At which point, Dixie realizes her time with Tad is up and she quickly disappears into the mist. Tad miraculously opens his eyes, in Pine Valley Hospital recovering from a gunshot wound that nearly killed him, back in the land of the living murmuring “Kate?” who is Kathy, who really is Kate…

WTF? Really? Haven’t we seen this before? Twice?

Please tell me the writers couldn’t dream up a better – or at least somewhat new and original – scenario for getting Tad and Kate together… please tell me they didn’t use the “give them their missing child and they’ll magically wake up from their very deep, very tired sleep” routine…

Nope… they did…

Didn’t this tactic already get used when Bianca was in her coma and Miranda was still Bess? Didn’t Adam do the right thing then, too, and hand the baby over to Erica, who so lovingly put her in a failing Bianca’s arms, imploring her to wake up because Miranda was alive and wake up she did (quite perkily and fresh-looking, I might add) murmuring Miranda’s name, much like Tad just did?

Except, he murmured “Kate?” instead of “Miranda?” but it was basically the exact same scene

Oh, wait, didn’t Kendall come out of her coma (what is it with Kane women and comas anyway?) when implored by loved ones to fight for Spike and Ian? Including Bianca, who knows first hand how well this particular tactic actually works?

Are you kidding me? The writing staff at AMC couldn’t have come up with something we haven’t seen already? This is as original as they can get? Is it really that freakin’ hard?

How about, Tad wakes up and he’s very woozy and Adam taunts him, thinking he’s going to die any minute, that Kathy is Kate. Or, how about Adam’s got his back to Tad and is telling someone, in that delightfully condescending way that he has, that Kathy is Kate just as Tad comes out of the his coma and just happens overhears this revelation.

See? In a couple minutes, I came up with a couple new and different ways to accomplish this reveal. Not exactly brand spanking new, but something a little different…

Okay, so, they want to give us Tad and Dixie, for which I am grateful, but with this scenario they tossed off, Dixie didn’t even get a fantastic exit! They both hear Adam’s declaration, Dixie knows it’s over and *poof*, she’s gone, disappearing into the mist (instead of the light that Tad wanted to head into, but, hey, that’s really being nit-picky).

Kinda like when they killed Dixie initially… No fantastic exit, just a breakfast of peanut butter-banana pancakes (which, really, yuck). Why didn’t they put her in a coma so that one day, after Tad figured out that Kathy was Kate, he could go to her beside, put the little girl in Dixie’s arms and whisper “It’s Kate, Dixie. Kathy is your Kate.”

And, miracles! Dixie awakens…

Now wouldn’t that have been more original?

Great WTF? Moments in All My Children History

We start here, but, rest assured, there will be more:

The Satin Slayer – not that the serial killer storyline isn’t a great device for trimming down a bloated cast, but come on… Alex Cambias, Senior… who died… and was cremated… was actually still alive and was the lunatic murderer? Please. He plunged chemicals into the necks of unsuspecting women all over Fusion just to get back at his son, Zach Slater, who had nothing to do with Fusion save the fact that his wife, Kendall Hart, was co-owner of Fusion and was married to Zach instead of to Alex’s Man-Crush, Ryan Lavery? Really? And they had to kill one of the most beloved characters in daytime television history in Dixie Cooney-Martin to accomplish this lame-o storyline? Not only that, they killed her with pancakes? Pancakes?! Peanut butter-banana pancakes?!?!?

Um, WTF?

The Idiots in Char- er, the production and writing staff at AMC decided this would be a great idea for a retched storyline. Kill off an idolized and much beloved character to give the sinking (stinking?) plot a lift. Well, it gave it a lift, alright, sending loyal viewers into a frenzy and causing them to bolt the show in droves. Tad and Dixie fans were outraged, long-time viewers furious. And recently, Producer Julie Hanan-Carruthers admitted she made a mistake when ex-headwriter Megan McTavish came to her with this moronic idea and she let her actually write it!

So, death by pancake it shall be.

Then they proceeded to toss a red herring at us and let us mistakenly believe that Babe Carey-Chandler-Chandler had become a victim of this heinous killer (oh, would that it were). At this time, when Babe lay in a make-shift hospital bed in the basement of the Seasons Casino, because I understand many casino basements are quite sterile, the much-beloved town lesbian Bianca Montgomery comes to a realization. You know, she thinks, it wasn’t all that bad that Babe took my child and raised her for 9+ months, letting me think my baby was dead and that this incredible bond I had with Babe’s child was just one of those things. (Babe actually thought the way to make this all better, without revealing the fact that Baby Chandler was actually Miranda, was to make Bianca the Godmother to her own child. Yep, that’s good enough for me!) So she rushes to Babe’s side and forgives her. Forgives her for stealing her child! Are you kidding me?!? Too bad that while Bianca was there forgiving Babe for this slight indiscretion, she couldn’t have poked around in the corners of the basement and looked for the pod that contained the real Bianca, because the sane viewers who were still watching AMC at that time really missed her. (I could really get into the whole forgiving of Babe and not giving Maggie the time of day thing here, but that’s another story for another day)

Anyway, back to the Satin Slayer (which, I still can help but laugh whenever I say that… seriously, if you were a maniacal spree killer, wouldn’t you be furious if the press anointed you the Satin Slayer? “What?!?! They’re calling me the Satin Slayer?!? I sound like a weenie!!”). So, dead and buried (and cremated) Alex Cambias, Sr., comes back from the dead and buried (and cremated) to exact his revenge on Alex Cambias, Jr. (aka Zach Slater), for faking his death, lo, those many years ago… Alex, Senior, thinks Ryan Lavery is more of a man than Alex, Junior, and is literally a god in human form (and, apparently, so did Megan McTavish, because she shoved this information down our throats on a repeated basis), so to get back at his son, he started killing random women… Yeah, I think he had a shot at that insanity defense even before he got gunned down. You know what, Senior? You love Ryan so d*mn much, why don’t you marry him?

While the entire town is on the hunt for the Satin Slayer (*giggle*), resident Transgender Rock Star Zarf/Zoe goes to the cemetery to visit Babe’s grave (Zarf/Zoe hasn’t been let in on the secret that Babe’s still alive and kicking over in the Seasons basement) and gets beaten to a literal pulp by, presumably, the Satin Slayer (*snicker*). During said beating, Zarf/Zoe looks up at his/her attacker and says “You!” as if he/she knows who is delivering such a vicious beating. Well, the interesting thing here is, Zarf/Zoe didn’t know who Alex Cambias, Sr., is or was. So how did he/she recognize that it was Alex Cambias, Sr., laying such a beat-down on him/her?

Really… WTF?

This storyline was riddled with holes and implausible moments. I mean, okay, I get coming back from the dead, a favorite plot device for bringing back beloved characters and the actors who portray them, but most of these haven’t been cremated! And Alex Cambias, Sr., wasn’t on the AMC canvas in recent months- or years, if you want to really pick nits- let alone a beloved character. Let’s face it, other than to explain what Ryan had been doing while gone from Pine Valley and siring both evil Michael Cambias and gorgeous Zach Slater, what importance did Alex Cambias, Sr., himself ever add to AMC? (well, other than Ryan’s God-complex and Miranda’s inheritance)

And when Alex, Sr., was on AMC, he was a benevolent man who was mortified by son Michael’s actions and regretted until his dying breath what Michael had done to Bianca, Erica and the entire town of Pine Valley. So, now he comes back to terrorize the very same city? Because his other son, who never even lived there until a couple years ago, pretended to be dead? Just… out of the blue (and after years of being dead) he’s become a murdering sociopath?

Really?

WTF?

I can just imagine what happened in the warroom when this storyline was introduced.

Headwriter: Okay, we’re going to do a serial killer storyline because I think it’s time.
Writer 1: Who are you killing off?
Headwriter: Oh, just a couple of dead weight characters.
Writer 2: Oh, okay.
Headwriter: Yeah… Oh, and the much beloved Dixie… and the beloved Simone… yeah, and Erin Lavery…
Writer 1: What?!
Writer 2: I think I’m going to call in sick the day you write that one.
Writer 1: Who’s the killer?
Headwriter: Well, I don’t want to waste any of my pets- er, anyone valuable on the show, so I’m going to bring back a character that no one will expect.
Writer 2: Why?
Headwriter: Because it’ll be a big surprise!
Writer 1: So, who is it? Oh, I know, Petey Cortland!
Headwriter: Nope.
Writer 2: Greenlee!
Headwriter: Oh, no, I’ve got plans for that character! BIG plans! Everyone will hate her when I’m finished with her!
Writer 1: So, who is it?
Writer 2: Yeah, who’s the killer?
Headwriter: They’re going to be called the Satin Slayer-
Writer 1: What? Are you kidding?
Writer 2: That’s the stupidest name ever!
Headwriter: Stop laughing!
Writer 2: Tell us, we promise to stop laughing.
Headwriter: It’s… Alex Cambias, Senior!
Writer 1: *blink* Who?
Writer 2: Wasn’t he cremated about 4 years ago?
Headwriter: Back from the dead!
Writer 2: Wait, he was cremated! You know, reduced to ashes and put in a little can?
Headwriter: Yeah, and Erica had an abortion once, but that changed, too, didn’t it? What’s your point?
Writer 1: WTF?

Yeah… Seriously… WTF?